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mamma bear
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Date:2011-01-22 06:21
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Ugh just move here with me already, we'll get a loft apartment and a puppy and we can come home to each other every night and have hairy sex. I've been in this funk lately where I feel all alone and so far away, and like nobody cares and I'm just here getting drunk off wine pretending to be content. When I'm alone a lot my mind gets the best of me and turns me into this wretched mess. I've been contemplating lately what's more important to me my career or my fucking life? My friends? My boyfriend? Would you move for me? If you do and you hate it, would I be to blame?

I'm sorry for earlier..I just can't hide my frustration lately.

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Date:2010-07-30 14:32
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I have roughly three weeks left in Florida, and I'm almost numb feeling. When people ask: "Are you excited about moving?" I almost don't know what to say..I am excited but my excitedness is being taken over by the lump in my throat.

I finally met a guy who I desperately like after being single for what seems like forever. And now I have to move..I don't know what to even begin to say about this situation..I kind of knew what I was getting myself into but I didn't know that I was going to feel this deeply connected to this kid in such a short amount of time. I can do no wrong, I can be grumpy, chubby, pimply, stinky, pretty, lazy, horny..and to him its all awesome. I've almost slipped up twice and told him that I loved him. Oh god what have I gotten myself into.

I don't regret my decision to move at all but it is one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do. I've been crying a lot. I just have to be strong and keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason.





Cooking falafel.




Notes and mixed cd's.

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Date:2010-05-17 11:27
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i'm down to my last few months in florida and saying that i'm nervous about moving is an understatement. momma's proud that i have the balls to make such a move and daddy's getting a little sad but behind me a "200 percent in whatever i chose to do." now its all the finer details, sending the paperwork, figuring out the car situation, making traveling plans, etc.

sometimes i'm just too damn "artsy" for these fucking business classes...i've set up my life and aspirations so that i could have a full motherfucking sleeve if i wanted to. lay off my tattoos and my whimsical lifestyle...please just let me live out my dreams and leave out your corporate bullshit.

hmmm...my hair is getting looonnnggg and i'm loving it although i am noticing more and more whites.

i need to get laid..its out of control, and i think through some primary research that i'm starting to realize that women are just as horny if not hornier than men. dicks dicks dicks need dicks.

i don't know what else to say, i find it hard to commit to a livejournal entry any more. i used to spend hours coming up with cool shit to say and express myself...not any more..

listen to toro y moi. feel good. look good.

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Date:2010-03-22 01:01
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I feel like I am doing a great job of stunting my own forward progression onto my new life. What I mean is, I have copious amounts of homework & projects due next week which is finals week & I'm not doing any of it. It's like I just want my new life to happen so bad I don't care what I'm doing now. It's funny to me how I keep referring to my moving as "my new life" but I feel like that's what it is, a different chapter in a different place. I have so much shit..I hate my body, am I the stubborn one? Why do moms tend to hate me? Am I going to look awful standing next to you on your wedding day? When am I going to have enough money to afford the things I want? How am I going to pay off my student loans? Am I mean? Am I ever going to get married? Am I going have a job that I love? Am I going to be this lax with projects presented to me from my "big girl" job? What do I really want to do? Fashion? Art? Jewelry? Makeup? I think my ultimate goal is to work in a profession where I can dabble in all things that I like. I just want to make people feel beautiful. And, I am fully inspired by the idea of adornment with jewelry. I almost don't care but at the same time I care too much.

I miss my mom and I hope I'm not a bad daughter. I love you daddy.

They will forever be horsies & moo moo's & boo boo's and night nights.

My favorite moon is a full moon because I feel like that's when people act themselves or as close to it as possible. Thank you mgmt interview for making me think about that.

Life is hard, learning from life lessons is hard, and I just want to strive to be the best that I can for you and me & if that means saying & giving constructive criticism well I guess I'm going to have to do that.

Whenever I think of school I think of it being over. I think of spring break and the beach and possible motel & pulp the party and the makeup I'm going to wear not the crisis management assignment, not the 50 photos I have to take with a camera I don't have, not the unfinished statistics assignments, not the art between the wars.

Sometimes I really do feel like I could write a book & for only being 22 I guess well..shit..I have led a successful and interesting life so far so...c'mon Amanda Anne you got dis.

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Date:2010-01-24 00:04
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I have never met anyone else in the whole world who I am so comfortable with. I almost feel selfish for wanting you not to go but at the same time I am so happy for you. I know that we are going to have great lives and that no matter what our lives are going to intertwine. I'm crying, I've been crying..its not like a sniff sniff cry its like a cheeks hot, eyes tired, lips swollen cry. I imagine you in my wedding looking beautiful and happy. I'm going to miss being able to call you up when I'm pissed or bored or not feeling anything at all and I just want to hang out. It's been a wonderful seven years in Florida but its time to move on to different states and different chapters.

Dear Raechel and Vanessa,

I love you, I love everything about you. I'm going to miss you so much.

I feel like there is so much more that I want to say but I just can't find the words.

Also, I tried writing the both of you letters a couple months ago but didn't make it past the second or third sentence because I was crying to bad.

Forever and ever my boo boo's. Ever and ever.

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Date:2009-12-24 17:02
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i hate all of my profile pics.

so i've been practically accepted into the illinois institute of art in chicago which is amazing news. there are a few minor details to work out like transcripts and money but i was told that i have nothing to worry about, so i'm not. lately i've been thinking about studying jewelry making, like legit shit, like welding and shit..hah. i don't know, i have more and more people asking me what i want to do with my education and i still say that i don't know. i'm comforted by the umbrella of interests that i fall under and the idea that everything is going to work out and i'm going to be happy, successful, and have a man with a fucking beard. i want to find myself in chicago.

different cities.

p.s. i still want you BAD.

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Date:2009-09-20 15:28
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I plan on making some really big changes within the next year, ones that excite and scare me. My friends are moving, have been moving, will move within the next ? months and its scary. But, in retrospect I think it will give me an incentive to jumpstart my career. I have been more apreciative of my career choice lately. The more I have to describe to people about what Fashion Management and Marketing really is the more I understand and approve of it myself. This quarter has been rough, just like the last quarter...it's all these business classes I've been having to take, they really bog down my mind. I've calculated that if I put away 20 to 40 dollars a week (which is totally doable) I can save anywhere from 1,000-2,000 dollars, then with the selling of the honda because I won't need it in the windy city I should be able to make another 2 G's off of that I should be able to start some sort of comfortable life in Chicago. Sometimes I fear that I dream too big...but is that really a thing? To dream too big?

My knuckles and hands are bruised from play fighting with Kyle after some beers watching the fiighhhhthhthththhtssss grrrrr roids.

I don't know, sometimes life feels like its moving at a glacial state and then other times its like "what the shit? wasn't I just 17 doing blow off of a center console?"

I need to drive back up to Tampa, buy gas, shower, trim my crack nails, revise my second motherfuckingcocksucking business plan, and oh I don't know lay around and drink beers for the rest of the night.

c'est la vie.

this life is your life to create amanda, so just fucking create it. don't be so scared.

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Date:2009-08-02 05:46
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It's very late and I'm on my new bed in the new apartment after hanging out with the new neighbors ( Brian, Megan, & Sean) who are so cool it hurts. I'm so glad to be here and finally out of collegiate hall, I feel like I'm growing up..growing up to: bills, homework, lots of heavy lifting, and cheap beer. I'll post pictures of this beautiful 1928 townhouse in the future when we have interwebz, but for now it's night night time.

I can't afford Thai food tomorrow, and I have loads of homework so, we'll see.

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Date:2009-07-04 13:18
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sometimes i just lay in my bed and think about all my vices. for the most part i think i'm a good person but everybody has their flaws. i cried watching whale wars yesterday and want to do more to help support & sustain our environment, i bought their bumper stickers so i could help support their cause a little bit.

i turn 22 in 3 days.

i want to get you something special.

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Date:2009-06-17 23:41
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i'm so excited for these next 3 weeks off, i just wish i could lay around and doodle and make weird shit like i used to. i feel so stuck creativly sometimes, i always draw the same faces with the same oversized lips and the same hair and the same eyes. sometimes i really resent this school because i see all the other students walking around with their 18X24 pads covered in charcoal and i think "that used to be me" and now i'm writing business plans and i am not artistically stimulated anymore. i'm glad to have this education of business underneath my belt but i really miss sitting in front of drawing paper instead of ms word.

i can't believe i've been attending this school for a year now in july, it doesn't seem like it at all i just hope i have something to show for it when i graduate. i want to move and i want to be successful.

i miss art and i miss art history and i would like to incorporate that into my "adult" life somehow.

i've had some beers and i'm rambling.

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Date:2009-05-29 11:11
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i don't know i kind-of feel like my liver is going to explode and my lungs are going to collapse. I need to start packing and going through my stuff & possibly getting rid of a few things. I also need to find a bed, like really bad.

So far at the Art Institute I have done very well even been on the Dean's honor role but this quarter I have just lost all motivation, and the only class i really like is one of my gen eds. that reminds me i had a dirty dream about one of the only straight guys in my program his name is kyle quelle coïncidence?

i'm so ready for a boy, i miss being in love and going places and holding hands and kisses and sex and spooning and dates....i'm ready to be a little wifed right now.

c'est la vie

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Date:2009-05-21 10:57
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i feel so bored with my life right now, i want something epic to happen to me. i can't wait till the day comes when i can say "au reviour florida". ugh.

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Date:2009-05-10 20:29
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i love you my mommabear, i hope you are having a wonderful momma's day. cheers to you my'lady.



yes, you are all tatted up, the lead singer of a punk band, bearded, and a little chubby..all the things i'm into but, i just don't know man. i'm not feeling it, i think you are too pushy or desperate or something. maybe i should give it a go? but eh...probably not. who knows...

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Date:2009-05-05 12:19
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Date:2009-05-02 11:55
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my best friends in the whole wide world are graduating today.

i feel like a proud mama, i keep hoping that nothing happens on stage like "omg i hope she doesn't trip, or her gown isn't stuck in her underwear!" i'm sure none of that will happen, but being the proud mama i am i'm crying right now...........awwww.

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Date:2009-04-21 10:30
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i spent roughly 2 almost 3 hours on this porch swing after work on saturday and i must admit i was a little drunk because i thought my skank of a sister was going to help me drink the beers i bought..turns out she didn't. at the time of this picture i was "rockin' it out" because this thing also turns into a bed! this is really just a post about how much i want a damn porch swing really..

i hope i don't have any crazy diseases that have seeped into my bloodstream and i'm going to need bloodwork, if thats the case the doctor i'm going to meet for the first time at 1:00 today better be prepared.

i can't wait to see all my frienz tonight!

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Date:2009-04-17 20:27
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i'm so bored and lonely in this city. now i remembered why i moved away in the first place..it almost feels like i failed to survive in the big ol' city known as tampa because i have to drive down here to work at my grandma's restaurant.

grr grr grr

if i'm pre lonely
i know i'm going to be post lonely

i'm pitying myself and thats going to get me nothin'.

i still am hung up.

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Date:2009-04-13 15:28
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why don't you talk to me anymore? its like you just stopped...i'm getting kind-of fucked up about it now.

we're going to get our palms read, i know my future is not grim but it is certainly unclear..

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Date:2009-04-04 23:01
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you make me crazy in more ways than one. i'm going to make a strong drink and start reading jitterbug perfume.









you always want what you can't have, and it fucking sucks to the tenth degree.

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Date:2009-03-27 10:46
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i'm keeping this best friend owl till i die.
i'm going to keep on killin' it on the american idol game until i die.

today is the last day of my finals, then i'm off for a week and i will be in NC until thursday and i'm so excited for all the hunnies in plaid with beards i'm going to see. i need a mountain man..a very scruffy mountain man.

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